Writing for the Sake of Sanity
As I sit in the office of my therapist scrolling through several blogs that I follow the following thought comes into my head. “Does anyone even read what I write? Is it even worth it?” While I know that this train of thought is misleading and can be dangerous for me, I travel a bit further to get some good writing material. I used to write an article every single day. I struggled endlessly to come up with new ideas, wording things just right, and making sure that I write something worth reading. After a while, it caught up to me, my brain shut down, and I could no longer pull any ideas out of my head. It was a feeling I had all but forgotten. The numbness of having no thoughts racing through my head. If you think about it, I achieved exactly what I had set out for. I had calmed the ceaseless rambling in my head. GREAT! I thought.
Yet, after writing for some time now, I’ve found a few people that truly enjoy what I write. They love to read the things that I create, and that fills me with exuberant joy. At the same time, I barely even write once a month now, and it breaks my heart that I’m letting these people, all of you, down. It’s this constant battle between these highs and lows that disrupts my thoughts. On one end, the peace and quiet that I had long sought after is finally within my grasp, but at the same time, I risk losing my creative outlet that I have poured my blood sweat and tears into.
I started writing because I thought that it would help me, and it has to an extent. However, I’ve also found, rather quickly I might add, that it helps other people too. I want so desperately to write, to help others, yet, having that wheel incessantly turning in my head is not something that I enjoy.
Hopefully, I can find a happy medium. To that, I want to let you all know that I will try my damndest to write more often, while still fighting for my sanity.