Why You Should “Kill” Your Mind Too

When you’re battling mental illness, overthinking, rumination and anxiety can be quite the formidable trio. I’ve recently heard a song by Twenty One Pilots called Migraine, and there is one particular verse that has really stuck with me,

“…’Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind.”

Anyone who has listened to the band knows that they have some pretty prolific songs about mental illness. This one in particular, Migraine, I believe to be about depression, but that one line can also be applied to anxiety as well.

In the recent days, I’ve been on medication for over a month, and I’m starting to feel like who I am is starting to change. I imagine that this is to be expected, as who I was used to be defined by my mental illness. These days, it’s scary to notice that my mannerisms and quirks are beginning to change. I feel like I’m losing a part of who I am. I go back to the verse of Migraine, sometimes to stay alive you have to kill your mind. What this means for me, is that the person that I used to be, who was defined by my mental illness, is not someone that I can be any longer. I have to go through a sort of metamorphosis, in order to become someone who is healthy in mind and body.

To do so, I feel that I need to “kill” my older self. I no longer need the “coping” mechanisms taught to me by my depression, or anxiety. I don’t need to overthink every little detail, or ruminate on all of my mistakes wondering if I could have done something different. The only thing that I need now is progress. In order to make the progress that I need, I no longer can rely on what used to work for me. I have to change the rule book so that I can thrive. If that means losing who I am in order to make a new and healthier me, it’s what needs to be done. I have been so scared of changing, but I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I need to change in order to succeed in life.

If you’re anything like me, and chances are if you’re reading this than you are, we need to stop being okay with just being okay. Yeah if you’re in a survival mode, it’s enough to just get through the day, but what comes after? I’ve never put thought into what I would do once I no longer felt like I had to survive each day. Hopefully, I can move past this obstacle and reach even further heights. I hope that someday you too can think about what the future holds, rather than just getting through the day. Hopefully there comes a time where mental illness does not rule our lives. For me, I think that day is today.



Photo Credit: Unsplash: Ryoji Iwata

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