When You Have That Really Bad Day
You know when you have one of those days where you’re surrounded by idiots, and your head feels like it’s about to explode? You have probably had a day then where you want your head to explode and just end the suffering. Well, it has been one of those days for me lately where every little thing that could go wrong is going wrong. My work has been awful as usual, I have no money left after bills, my co-workers (although nice) are imbeciles, I’m running out of medication in a day, and everything else around me seems to be going wrong. I’m pretty sure that you’ve had a day, or many days, like this. Where the whipped cream on top of the garbage mound of a day, just so happens to be deteriorating mental health. As of late, I like to say that I’m doing better with my depression and anxiety, and most days I am, but the bad days are really bad. Not dangerously bad, let me make myself clear here, but drink a bottle of liquor to fall asleep bad. It’s especially irritating when this bad day just so happens to be the beginning of your week. Now, the whole week is soured, and it will drag on leaving me exhausted on the weekend. Just what a barely back on my feet depression sufferer needs…right?
I’ve also been having trouble formulating my thoughts, the always turning gears in my head are starting to grind a little. If it’s the meds, or the oh so wonderful depression brain fog that I’ve just missed so much, I do not know. Needless to say, as a writer, this makes things a little bit difficult. Hence why there has been so many blog posts like this lately, rather than the helpful informative type. It really is getting hard to stay positive, when things get bleak like this. My depression is just waiting for the chance to latch back onto me when I slip up. My anxiety is prowling around me just waiting for it’s chance to strike. Being ever vigilant against these persevering foes is certainly not an easy task. I wish someone would have told me how difficult it would be to actually fight these demons that dwell in my head. Not that it would have made any real difference, I just like being informed.
If you knew me, you would know that I am terrible at taking my own advice. While it sounds rather hypocritical of me to be giving advice to complete strangers over the internet, yet not following any of my own, it really isn’t. I have a special gift for being able to realize the right and wrong way to do things, even if I don’t do the right thing, I know what it is. Doing anything to benefit myself has not even really been a thought in my head for many years now. Yet I feel such joy by helping others, I couldn’t help but try to spread some knowledge out there. Although recently, I have been reading my own posts when I feel down, and I’m actually listening to myself, because it almost feels like it’s not my words I’m reading. Weird I know, but it’s effective and that’s all I care about.
Well, that about does it for this little rant of mine. Like I said, I find writing very therapeutic, although I doubt that you find reading things like this as helpful. That said, let’s all try to have a good week, I will be posting as normal, and we’ll take it from there. Thanks everyone for reading, hope you enjoyed
Photo Credit: Unsplash: Daniel Garcia