The Power of Fear
I often let fear dictate my entire life. I know that fear does this, but yet, I’m powerless to stop it. I was always a shy kid when I was young, and it didn’t help that I had a very dominant best friend when I was a kid. It really only made me retreat into my shell even further. I mean even recently, when I quit my job, I couldn’t tell my boss face to face, nor could I even talk to her on the phone. No, I left a voicemail, after hours, saying that I quit. I was so afraid of what she might say to me, because we didn’t have the best relationship to say the least. Fear just does whatever it wants, and knowing it doesn’t really make it any easier to combat. I’m still rather timid, not as much as I used to be, but still very shy. I usually go through conversations in my head, and analyze all the possible routes that the conversation could take, in order to be best prepared with my answers. That all happens in a split second while talking to people, but for me, it feels like an eternity. There I am, in the middle of a conversation, and I’m stuck in my head trying to figure out the best route to take in order to get the person to like me. I always want to be liked by other people, and yes I know, not everybody is going to like me. It is inevitable that some people are going to not like me, or even hate me, but I still try my best in order to get them to like me. It’s this weird drive that I have and I can’t really explain it well, because I don’t understand it myself. I guess it all boils down to fear again, because I’m afraid of what someone would think/say if they didn’t like me. I’m especially scared of how they’ll act towards me, or that the might try to hinder me in some way. I don’t want people standing in the way of my goals, I want them behind me, pushing with everything they have. I guess that may seem a little bit selfish, but like I said, I can’t really explain it well.
The only way I’ve learned to combat fear is by accepting it. Letting it deep into every part of your being, and pushing through. This is probably the hardest way to fight the fear inside of me, but it’s the only way I know how (thanks DBT therapy). Luckily for me, this often seems to work, as long as I don’t think about it, I know, hard. Especially when I spend almost all my free time inside my head, it becomes rather rough. Yet, there really are no other options for me. If I dwell on the fear, it wins. If I accept it, and don’t think too hard about it, I usually can accomplish my goals.
Let me know if any of you guys have ever found a good way (for you) to combat fear, because I would love to learn more.