The Life of a Cynic

I’ve been told that I’m too young to be cynical. Am I really though? If you look at things objectively, than yes, I have not lived nearly long enough, not experienced enough to gain a cynic’s view of the world. Yet, if you think about it, I feel that those white mental illness have a different perception of time. I feel like I’ve lived too many lifetimes to count, especially when you state death in the face most days. I look to death, not with fear, but desire. It seems as though I’m welcoming an old friend back into my life when I think of death.

If you were to see the world from my point of view, you would see a broken shamble, just writhing on the floor. It does not please me to view life this way, i feel immense sorrow when I think of the worldly affair I find myself in. We have people killing others for little to no reason. People bickering about menial and meaningless things. Others, like myself, just drifting through this void that we call life. When I think of the world I live in, and the role that I play in this theatre of life, it saddens me. I can’t help but feel that if I were to get my point of view to enough people, that maybe I just might be able to change things. Yet, this gaping hole in my heart knows that this will never happen, that my dream of bringing people together is just too much for a single lifetime. I have not the voice, nor the reach to be able to achieve something of this grand scale. This further deepens my despair.

Why is the world so convoluted, so material, so fake? This is a question I often find myself pondering. Why do people not feel the need to help others, why is there only self preservation and advancement? Why is it not a common thought to help others in need, even if it damages our own standing. I feel, that actions like this are not often seen in the world, not nearly enough anyways. To be able to help another human being become something better than they are should be the aspiration of every single living person. If you think about evolution, self preservation exists solely to pass on our genetic code. What of our knowledge, or our life experiences? Why are these things deemed non essential? If I could, I would pass every single piece of knowledge that I have to everyone I can, so that the minds of these people can be expanded. Is that not the meaning of life? To expand our mind to such a degree that earthly means have no value?

I myself am by no means religious, because I think religion has grown corrupt. I try not to hark in others beliefs too much, so I will not rant about my feelings towards religion. However, if you are religious, no matter what religion you follow, is there not the rule of kindness towards others? Aren’t you supposed to be kind towards other people in the hopes that you too will receive that kindness in turn? Where has this belief gone away to? Why is it all about ourselves? Yes we are coded this way in order to protect our genes, and pass them to our offspring. Yet, we have proven again and again that we are smarter than our DNA, that we can color outside of the lines whenever we feel like it. So why is this the one thing that has taken over our lives? Why is it that we only care about our own gain? I do not think that I will ever truly understand why people act the way they do. I think that, at such a young age, I have been gifted and cursed by cynicism. I am able to see things as they are, with no pretense, no sugarcoat, no colored lens. The world, while filled with wonder and love that knows no bounds, is also infested with greed, and avarice. In my opinion, the grotesque side of the world, heavily overshadows the genuine beauty that exists. So I say that I am not cynical, but I am viewing the world for what it truly and honestly is. The greatest display of affection and wonder that there is, buried in the center of a bubbling mass of evil. The word is such a beautiful place, with many amazing people. But these are not the people that change the world, these are the people that are forgotten in the repositories of history, never to see the light of day. Why? Because money and power rule the world, this much I am certain of. You can be a diamond in this world, but you will certainly be swallowed up by the muck surrounding you. There is just too much of it to fight. I say this as I try so desperately to get my voice out there, to actually be heard, and change the perspective that people have. So, not only am I a cynic in the disguise of a realist, but also an insane fool; because I believe that my single drop of water will be the one that sends the whole bucket overflowing.

With that, I leave you with a question. Am I wrong to view the world as I do?

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2 Responses

  1. I feel exactly the same way! Reading through you actually saying it, though, I see how depressing it sounds. Ironic.
    Anyway -I think people are always selfish. Even the “selfless” ones often do so at some gain to themselves or their family. On the whole, the general climate of the world we see IS growing more self-centered and less kind. I am no professional in this field, but there is a marked difference in attitude between myself and my younger brother. I believe it to be a symptom of a world encouraging self, isolation, entitlement, broken families, and no religion.
    As I have stepped a bit away from complete belief, I know that one cannot simply decide to be religious. The brain doesn’t work that way. That, and the world problems will still exist.
    What I can suggest is that bad news always sells. Media tells us about everything that is wrong. Our friends perpetrate more sad tidings. And, the climate of society is more cynical. I can’t help but look around and think, “I was cynical back when it was unique.” Now I feel like everyone else makes the same wry jokes and observations -and, like I said initially about your post, I’m saddened to see it.

    • alanwolfgang says:

      I hope that sometime in the future my view of the world will change, but until then, all I can do is hope. It’s ironic that I have to focus on my own growth and mental health before I can turn my energy outward, but it’s what I feel I have to do. Thanks as always for reading!

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