The Art of Survival
On most days, you may feel like all you can do is simply survive. I know how that feels, and I’m here to tell you that feeling that way is okay. There are many days where it takes all I have just to get out of bed, get dressed, go to work, then crawl back in at the end of the day. I do nothing but go through the motions. I understand that from an outside view this may appear troubling, especially to loved ones. All they see is someone who is so deep in depression, that they can’t do anything “extra” than what they’re doing. However, what they don’t often see, is that we are fighting tooth and nail not to give into depression. That is where all of our energy is actually going. I’ve had to explain this to my mother, and another blogger put it very elegantly. At the beginning of the day you have a number of spoons, don’t ask me why it’s spoons (maybe you eat a lot of soup?), but you have a finite amount of spoons to start the day and each action you perform takes one spoon away. Therefore, it’s only logical that you can only do so many actions during the day. The problem is, depression is a very greedy bastard, and takes half of your spoons the moment you wake up. So you’re left prioritizing what you need to do with your remaining spoons. It appears to everyone else as though you’re struggling to get basic everyday things done, but the truth of the matter is that you can only do so much with the spoons that depression has “graciously” left you.
That is what most “healthy” people don’t understand, is that being depressed is very hard work. It may even be harder than not being depressed, but we don’t really have a choice in the matter. It’s not like we wake up in the morning and ask ourselves if we want to be depressed today. Life would be so much easier if we could pick and choose when we feel depressed, but life just doesn’t work that way. Being depressed is a full time job, and we don’t get any vacation days, or sick leave, or any time off at all for that matter. We have to “work” every single day whether we want to or not. Depression is like that really pain in the ass boss that constantly hovers over you and does nothing but yell at you. It’s not like we can quit, because quitting would cost us our lives, literally. So what’s the only option left here? TO FIGHT. Yes, all we can do is fight our butts off, and hope that in the end, we can finally be free of depression, and its incessant work load. Meds help, I mean most of the time they don’t, but once you find the right one(s) it really does work wonders. The whole reason I decided to come back to my blog is because I think that my doctor finally got a med right, and I am beginning to feel better. What do you do now that not so many spoons are being taken away right off the bat? You help others, any way you can. Because we, the mentally ill, owe it to each other, for the ones that have found their way, to guide those who have not. That is the reason I started to blog, of course I felt a lot better back then, but relapses are just a part of recovery. Now that I am starting to feel better again, it is my duty to build a support network for those that have nowhere else to go. That is why I blog, and that, I feel, is my mission in life.
Hopefully that was a decent little pep talk that you just read. So do what you must to survive, because the war with depression is a long and ugly one. Survive any way that you can, no matter how unsightly. What is waiting for you at the end is a glorious reward unlike any other. When you have finally made it to a place that you feel safe and happy, make sure that you do your best to pass your knowledge to those still in the trenches. That way, we can make the world a better place, end the stigma surrounding mental health, and change a few lives for the better.