Moving Onward

Moving forward in life usually means leaving whatever happened in the past behind. However, there is something to be said about moving forward. For those of us with mental illness, moving forward can seem like a daunting task. Agreed it can be a little scary, because moving forward can also mean leaving your comfort zone. That is one of the hardest things to do, because comfort, to someone that has mental illness, is one of the hardest things to find. We can spend our entire lives searching for it, and never find a healthy form of comfort. That being said, healthy forms of comfort are even fewer and far between.

Changes in life, albeit not commonplace for us folk, should be embraced when the chance arises. Changes in life are often frightening, because it usually contains something new and maybe exciting, depending on who you ask. I myself am terrified of change, I don’t like it one bit, even though it’s essential for me. There is something about me that desires constant change, to the point where I don’t really have a comfort zone. I’m unlucky enough to be uncomfortable about everything, thus is life with anxiety. Yet, I try as hard as I can to not let anxiety rule my life. Finding a new job, meeting new people, these are all things that I must do. Though these are things I feel I must accomplish, they are overwhelming tasks for someone who prefers their own company over even the long time friends that I’ve made.

Taking that step forward is certainly a terrorizing one, because I find myself to be more comfortable with staying put. Though that level of comfort is just barely more than the fear I feel to be moving forward. Mental illness will take these accomplishments in life, and make them feel less spectacular. I mean, getting out of bed for me, is a great accomplishment in itself. I don’t allow myself to bask in my accomplishments, because that emotion is of no use to me, if I must continue to evolve. Constantly growing, and changing is something that I feel to be necessary, but at the same time I’d rather stay in bed all day. There is this unyielding battle going on inside my head every single day, that I’m sure a lot of you can relate to. Is getting out of bed worth it? Do I have the resolve to go to work? Can I interact with people today? These are some of the many questions I ask myself each morning, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a concrete answer. It’s the weirdest thing that I go through with my mental health, but also something that I think that I’ll be dealing with my entire life. Whatever happens, we need to keep moving forward, because if we falter or halt our progress, it could cost us our lives.

Thank you,

Wolfgang

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