Highs and Lows

So I haven’t written in a while, and I apologize for that. Last you heard from me things were going very well for me, I was going back to school in the fall, and starting a new job. Yet, with every peak comes the immense valley afterwords, at least with me. I was doing so well, with my medications and life in general. However, I didn’t not anticipate, not prepare for the fall that came after the high. I know that things are always this way with me, but for some reason I thought things would be different this time. Alas, I was horribly mistaken, as I experienced one the the largest backslides I have ever had to deal with. Hence why I haven’t really written lately. My one week break from writing suddenly became a month when I finally came to. Even now, I still feel like things will only get more difficult for me, it’s a feeling that I despise more than most.

My optimism is almost completely non existent these days. It’s a rough spot to be in after things were going so well. Although this stage of my life is far from over, I will continue to fight, with everything that I have. Lately, that alone is taking every ounce of energy that I have. It’s like you’re suddenly knee deep in mud and you have to trudge your way to the other side of this pit. Every single step takes so much out of you, and most times you just want to give up and sink. Honestly I don’t really even know what’s keeping me going at this point, whether it’s my pride or just plain stubbornness, I have no idea. I know that once I make it through this valley of mine, that things will once again be great in my life. I know that I’ll once again be so caught up in the feeling of feeling great, that I’ll be blindsided by the subsequent fall. This time I just have to prepare ahead of time. No one is as resourceful as a depressed person that refuses to give up. Hopefully, that will be enough to cushion my fall.

I wanted to let you all know that I do plan to continue writing, just not as regularly. My brain as well as my projects have both come to a screeching halt, as I’ve switched back into survival mode. I’m hoping to get at least an article a week, but please understand if I do not meet that goal. Everything that I have is to be used for my survival, which doesn’t leave much else for anything else. I want to thank you all for your continuing support, and hopefully the next you hear from me will be better news.

Wolfgang

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3 Responses

  1. Patunia says:

    Hang in there buddy. Know that we are all thinking positivity for you.

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